Running On Empty: It’s Time to Refill Your Cup
“Drained, I feel drained and the hits keep coming.” I remember the statement well. It was an interesting turn of phrase with which I was unfamiliar. But the meaning was not lost on me. This person felt like they were in a row boat without a paddle, and the waves of life were making it very difficult for this person to hope for relief.
Sometimes in life it really does feel like the waves keep coming. We feel we have no time to catch our breath or make progress towards dry land. Sometimes the waves are the more typical stresses in life: work, marriage, parenting, bills, traffic, a plethora of things we face on a daily basis as part of living.
Other times an unforeseen problem rears its ugly head and throws life for a loop. Regardless of the source, we’ve all been there, to that place where it’s a struggle to stand back up. It is in these moments our cup is empty, and it seems like it can’t be refilled…
It's as if your cup has a hole in the bottom.
My work as a psychologist and therapist has shown me that people, in general, have more in common than what separates them. And one thing I can say with conviction is: each of us is a cup with a hole in the bottom.
The vast majority of us live in a world of stress, responsibilities, and demands. We navigate through traffic, we have difficult conversations with others, we experience frustrations and pain. These aspects of life require our focus, attention, concentration, patience, all sorts of different personal resources to navigate effectively.
Some days are tougher than others, even when your routines don’t change all that much. Why is that? The answer often has to do with your cup.
Sometimes when decisions come easily and stress doesn’t seem to faze us, our cup is full. We are likely using our personal resources effectively and the hole in our cup seems to be extremely small. Other times, when it feels as if the smallest thing sets us off or shuts us down, we are likely with very little in our cup, and our cup likely has a big hole. Simply put:
More stress and poor coping skills = big hole
Less stress and effective coping skills = small hole
You might be thinking, “So I’m a cup with a hole in the bottom of it. Great… now what?” Fair question. Once we’ve accepted this idea, we can start to look at how best to work within this framework. If we tend to function more effectively when our cup is full of personal resources, then the goal is to find ways to maintain as much in our cup as possible. We can do this in two ways: we can work on making the hole as small as possible, and we can work on effectively refilling our cup.
Not only do the stresses impact the size of our hole, our coping skills and supports also impact this hole. One approach is to examine and refine how we approach and manage stress. Specific coping skills can greatly improve how effectively we manage the hole in our cup. Effectively managed stress can help make smaller, and keep smaller, that hole.
The smaller the hole, the less waste of our patience, tolerance, and other personal resources.
We can also work on how effective we are at refilling our cup. Restorative practices are often described as “refilling our cup.” Relaxation, enjoyment, and pleasure are all examples of ways we often feel recharged or restored.
Sometimes it might be a big gesture: a vacation, a spa day, etc. Other times rejuvenation might be small or brief moments of calmness achieved through deep breathing, gratitude, and mindfulness. Regardless of what it looks like, restorative practices allow us to disconnect (even if brief) from the stressors and draining aspects of our lives. Through calmness in mind and body, as well as connection with what is positive and soothing in our lives, it is important to give yourself opportunities to refill your cup.
To be a human is to be a cup with a hole in the bottom. This might be a difficult idea to accept. But there is a lot we can do to not just manage, but even thrive under this reality.
If you’re looking for additional support in managing stress, assistance in setting healthy boundaries, and implementing self-care to refill your cup, counseling can help.
Contact me for your complimentary consultation at 954.391.5305.
I provide counseling for adults at our beautiful Fort Lauderdale and Coral Springs offices as well as online counseling via our secure telehealth platform.
Cheers to refilling your cup!
