How to Make Your Relationship Work With Your Polar Opposite

If you are reading this, you are proof that opposites can indeed attract. There can be many reasons for this. New experiences, new ways to see the world, growth, challenging your comfort zone, and excitement. However, just because opposites do often attract, doesn't always make it easy. In fact research shows when relationships form based on their similarities they are more likely to be successful. Luckily for you and your partner, I believe any relationship has the ability to beat odds and be successful with the right insight and skills.

Understanding Your Relationship 

When you and your partner have more opposites than similarities, you likely have a very strong foundation of love, affection, and/or intimacy with one another. Maybe it could be something else, but regardless every “opposite” couple has some strong foundational aspects in which you connect and keep close with each other. This foundation is essential to prioritize and build on, as opposites will face many challenges and need to be able to remember their foundation strengths to work through their struggles. The strengths and positives in a relationship help you remember why you're together through challenging times, and give us the motivation to put in the hard work. Whether it's quality alone time, traveling, music, nature, intimacy, or something else, be sure to dedicate a lot of your time and energy to prioritize these foundational connections. 

Now that we discussed the positive, let's shift gears. Being together with your polar opposite will give you plenty of issues to face in your relationship. As stated earlier, you must build up a solid skill set to navigate through the inevitable challenges. In addition to learning how to work through problems, you must also have a desire to understand your partner on a deep level. It is likely that you have experienced different upbringings, family dynamics, life experiences, traumas, etc. Each person is largely shaped by their experiences. Having a desire to understand your partner on this level can help you understand and empathize with them better and navigate the opposites and challenges. 

How To Make It Work

Most problems in life can be tackled by using a specific formula to reach a solution. Navigating relationships with your opposite partner doesn't have to be different, we just need to learn the necessary formulas to apply to the problems. I have compiled some of the most important skills to master in order to help you and your partner tackle common issues that “opposite” relationships often face. 

1. Communication & Listening - This is your bread and butter. When you're in a relationship with someone who has different opinions, perspectives, and even a differing view on life, you will inevitably have some disagreements and difficulty seeing things in the same way your partner does. To work through these issues and ideally prevent conflict, you must be able to communicate your feelings in a vulnerable, non-critical, and emotional manner.  Using “I Statements” is a great way to practice communicating how you feel without accusing your partner of wrong-doing. In addition, you need to be an effective, active listener for this to be useful. This means putting defensiveness on the shelf and trying to understand what is being communicated to you before responding. Be curious, STAY OPEN-MINDED, ask questions, and practice empathy. Dr. John and Julie Gottman have developed healthy anti-dotes to poor communication and help you practice better skills. 

2. Conflict Resolution - There are many conflict resolution skills that you're going to need to practice with your polar opposite partner. In fact, you just read about one of the main skills. Using open, honest, and vulnerable communication can help you to better navigate any struggles as a couple.

   Next, taking “emotional flooding breaks” is going to help to avoid relationship conflict from turning into fighting. When you are emotionally flooded, you are overwhelmed by emotions, leaving you unable to communicate effectively. It is recommended to take a break to self-soothe. Practice healthy emotional distraction and meditation from anywhere between 24 minutes and 24 hours to effectively decompress. Then, try communicating again! 

   Assure you are turning toward your partner to manage problems, deepen connection, and work together to build a solid and safe place to resolve the presenting problem. Apologizing, taking accountability, minimizing blame/criticism, and making an effort to change bad patterns are also key components to resolving conflict. 

   Lastly, focus on one problem at a time. You and your partner may have various things going on or have been through many conflicts. When you are trying to resolve one problem, it is not the time to bring up other issues. This will not only fuel resentment but take you further away from finding resolution to the problem at hand. 

3. Boundaries - This is another very important skill set you must learn in order to navigate a relationship with your polar opposite. When you can't particularly agree on a certain perspective or point of view, you will need to set boundaries and find compromise for how to move past these issues. To set a boundary, you must identify a need which must be respected. Communicate this clearly and assertively, but with respect. If you and your partner can respect one another’s boundaries, conflicts are avoided. 

   When two people have firm boundaries on a similar topic, you must practice compromise. What are each of you willing to slide on? You may have to respectfully negotiate until both people feel comfortable that their needs are being addressed and respected. 

   Lastly, communicate your  expectations of your partner with them. Give them the opportunity to work with you and fulfill your needs and the chance to negotiate if they believe these expectations can not be met. This practice allows both partners an equal chance to work together to create happiness and fulfillment in the relationship. To better understand boundaries in a relationship and how to set them, read here. 

4. Embrace Your Differences - This is just as important as important communication and conflict resolution. You fell in love with your partner for a reason. Their uniqueness and differences from you can help you to learn more about yourself, the world through a different lens. Your differences with your partner can help you grow. This can be a beautiful thing if you let it be!

5. Patience - Lastly, you will require PLENTY of patience in making it work with your opposite significant other. It isn't always easy to remain calm and conversational with your partner when you deeply disagree on a topic or have different perspectives/opinions. Patience is going to be key when putting forth your communication and listening skills to navigate through these difficult times as these are the only skills that will help you achieve understanding and compromise. 

In conclusion, I want to assure you that though you and your partner may be polar opposites, you can make it work. You may say or do things that unintentionally hurt one another’s feelings, test your patience, and challenge your perspectives. However, you can develop the skills to manage these issues and you have enough love and affection for one another to put in the hard work. Lean on your strong foundation and use the skills necessary for you and your polar opposite partner to thrive!

Lets Navigate Your Relationship Together

I offer relationship focused therapy to both individuals and couples, depending on your needs. My main goal and priority in therapy is to help those who desire it to foster secure, happy, and healthy relationships. Working through relationship problems alone isn't always easy, but working with a therapist is an effective resource to help those overcome challenges with their partner they may not be able to on their own. My specialties with couples and relationship issues are focused on major relationship necessities such as communication, conflict resolution, intimacy, attachment styles, trust building, and more. 

If you or someone you know may need any form of relationship support, please don't hesitate to contact Bayview Therapy today at 954-391-5305 for a complimentary phone consultation to discuss your therapy needs. Ask to speak with Jamie Ratowski, LMFT.

I offer my counseling services at our beautiful office located in Plantation, Florida. I also accommodate most online therapy requests through a secure telehealth platform.